Check out these stupid All-Star Game hats

Okay, some of them aren't bad. But I reflexively dislike new things because I'm a baseball fan.

"Hot."

For the first time ever, players will wear a special cap at the #ASG. And they are hot. http://ift.tt/1xiy5uP

— MLB (@MLB) July 2, 2014

Ranking these hats in the order of "not bad" to "oh dammit, stop":

1. Blue Jays

2. A's

3. Twins

4. Dodgers

5. Cubs

6. Indians

7. Rays

8. Padres

9. Royals

10. Orioles

11. Brewers

12. Angels

intermission between tolerable hats and awful hats

13. White Sox

14. Pirates

15. Phillies

16. Tigers

17. Marlins

18. Astros

19. Yankees

20. Nationals

21. Red Sox

22. Cardinals

23. Rangers

24. Rockies

25. Reds

26. Giants

27. Braves

28. Diamondbacks

29. Mets

30. Mariners

Look at that horrible Mariners hat. Coming up next, an article arguing against the one-player-from-every-team rule, just because I don't want to see that '90s-nasty Mariners hat. It looks like a Saved By The Bell episode getting in a fight with Jim McMahon. "At least the turquoise matches well with the black back," you weren't just thinking.

According to SportsLogos.net, these logos are based off the '79 Twins helmet, because we usually do so well looking back at the '70s for fashion inspiration.

"The 2014 MLB All-Star Game: Trust us, it looks a lot better after a lot of cocaine"

(The Blue Jays cap is kind of cool, though.)

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