But no stuffing. That's a health hazard to the players.
Thanksgiving NFL games should be played with a whole, cooked turkey instead of a football. I understand that this opinion raises questions, and will answer them here.
Isn't a turkey much heavier and less aerodynamic than a football?
Yes. The sheer heft of the turkey forces teams to play a slow-moving ground game. In the spirit of the holiday, Thursday's NFL game will feature constant run plays, frequent fumbles, and lots of punts traveling very short distances. Football played the right way.
Can you even throw a turkey in a spiral?
Tony Romo can.
How will kicking work? How do you balance a turkey on a tee?
Headfirst.
But then kicking seems dangerous, like kicking a turkey could probably hurt someone's foot.
Do you have a question?
Uh, don't you think someone could get hurt kicking the turkey? Does that concern you?
Yes.
Won't the turkey fall to pieces during play?
No, probably not.
Well, what about eating? Are players allowed to eat parts of the turkey? What if they get hungry? If the turkey disintegrates because people are eating it, and pieces of it reside in players' stomachs while they are playing, then where is the down marker to be placed? At a certain point, will you even be able to distinguish the original, main bird as its own entity? Like, if the body gets torn into large pieces, which large piece counts as the game "ball"?
Yes, the players may eat parts of the turkey.
Well, then will there be gravy to put on the turkey?
No, gravy is an illegal substance.
Will there be any other traditional Thanksgiving foods?
Great question. Yes. The refs will throw gobs of mashed potatoes instead of flags. The line of scrimmage will be a painted and re-painted stripe of cranberry sauce.
Will there be stuffing?
Well, what do you mean?
You know, the mushed-up bread stuff?
Technically, stuffing is prepared inside the turkey. If it's outside the turkey, it's dressing.
Oh, I usually just call that all stuffing.
No, that's wrong.
Okay, then will there be stuffing, as you described it?
No, it's disgusting and a potential health hazard to cook inside the turkey.
Okay, then will there be dressing?
No.
Will the turkey be brined?
Yes.
Dry brine or wet brine?
I don't know. That's a bad question.
Can players spike the turkey to celebrate?
Yes, players may celebrate by spiking the turkey. They may not do prolonged or choreographed celebrations involving the turkey, nor may they "dunk" the turkey through the field goal uprights.
An NFL game must be equipped with dozens of balls to serve as replacements and special balls for kicking. Will there be extra turkeys?
No, just one turkey.
Does the winner of the game get something special? Maybe what remains of the turkey?
No.
from SBNation.com - All Posts http://ift.tt/1rrTvXO
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